i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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