Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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