shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
