there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
