i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
How naked do you want me to be?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
