my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Did I show you my penis last night?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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