i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
