if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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