somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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