hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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