i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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