Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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