Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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