I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
