so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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