What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
