Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
