i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
