i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
