9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I'm really busy with my period
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