i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize