Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
