There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
