Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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