Can i not drive my cunt home
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
