do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
