I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
