Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
