Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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