I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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