When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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