hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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