My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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