Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
