Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
