why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
