Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Shame - the story of my life.
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