I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i will never coherently bang her
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
