bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
