just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
