best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
