Where is the hickey?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
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