My cat gives me a boner
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
