Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
