Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
