He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
