In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
