Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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