White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
