We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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