ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
