Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
