I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I need water and some morals
There are leaves in my underwear?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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