Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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