Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
