just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
zippers are such a cool invention
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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