I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize