Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
