You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
