The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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