tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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