just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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