in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
