My balls are so social today.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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