How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize