If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize