Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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