you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
smell my finger.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
How naked do you want me to be?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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