I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I am naked and annoyed.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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