I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
