: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
