I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
