Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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